Depression is not dead flowers and lana del rey music and dark eyeliner and lipstick smearing your face as you cry in a dirty bathtub smeared with your own blood.
Depression is a foul taste in your mouth and smell in your room because you don’t care enough to take a shower or brush your teeth.
Depression is longing for the days you cry because feeling something is better than feeling nothing and being sad is better than the blunt anxiety that is a constant in the back of your mind.
Depression is watching your friends slip away because you don’t care enough to call them or see them and in turn feeling lonely and ignored because it feels like they don’t care enough to call you or see you.
Depression is watching your grades plunge because how can you care about them when you don’t even care if you live or die?
Depression is having your teachers and your parents call you lazy and unmotivated and a deadbeat because of these grades and because your illness is so blind to them you have trouble convincing even yourself that it exists.
Depression is your back aching from staying in bed for hours a day, hoping you can live out your life in bed until you don’t have to live anymore.
Depression is staying up until five a.m. watching tv because if you turn everything off you will be alone with your thoughts and there is nothing on earth worse than that.
Depression is groaning in disappointment and anxiety when you wake up the next morning.
Depression is praying yet again that night that you don’t wake up.
Depression is not romantic. It is not beautiful. It is disgusting, empty, ugly. It is a pain so deep and long lasting you forget how you ever were without it."
Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”. You didn’t get it and you got mad and thought I was playing around.
Breaking up after almost two years together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To Here”.
You still didn’t get it.
this hit me hard